Coping With Hope
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Survivor Tips for Coping With Cancer
 

If you have just been diagnosed with cancer, welcome to the group of people we now know as Survivors. Survivors are a unique group of people all of whom have Cancer and are taking it on with all their might. Based on their stories and their willingness to share we offer the following tips to help you Cope with Cancer. Again, please remember you may find that one or more of these apply to your situation or you may find none do. Cancer affects many people in different ways. If you have something you would like to share with our reading audience, please email us by clicking on the following link  Coping With Hope. 

1)    When you hear the word Cancer for the first time in your own diagnosis it can be like a dream. I recall thinking that everything was moving in slow motion, kind of like in a fog. I immediately thought how Cancer happens to others but couldn’t be happening to me. Just remember, while each person handles the initial diagnosis just a bit differently, almost everyone has a similar first reaction. Cancer can be an emotional roller coaster. I remember being angry for a period after my own diagnosis. I can’t even seem to recall at whom. I remember going over all the things I thought I could or should have done but that really didn’t make me feel better or allow me to conclude that it was my own bad choices that caused it. I remember being angry about the atmosphere and all the pollution that was in our air but that didn’t make me feel better so I couldn’t conclude that caused it. I even remember being a bit angry at God at first. However, I reasoned, that our loving God never would never punish me in this way. Basically, I concluded that anger didn’t really solve anything or take away my Cancer. It only made me feel bitter, so I chose to get rid of it. Basically there are a whole host of emotions you will go through. Some of you will go through a few and others will go through almost all of them as no two people are alike. What we want you to realize is it is okay to feel anger, fear, grief, a sense of loss, helplessness or hopelessness, wanting to bargain with God, determination, and most importantly a loss of control. You may even experience more than what we have listed here and again that is perfectly normal. There are no set time periods for how long you will experience these feelings. What is important is trying to move forward without getting stuck in a kind of funk where you just seem to be spinning your wheels. Staying too long in one place can prevent you from moving forward with your life.

2)    Many have shared with us how helpful people want to be when they first heard the news they had Cancer. They seem to know someone who has had Cancer or some other malady and with all the best intentions in the world they want to share everything they know about it. Unfortunately, this can be upsetting and in other cases the information can just be flat wrong and inappropriate for your given situation. Just remember, these people mean well and can have no way of knowing exactly what you are going through or how you will react to certain things that are said.

3)    You should always take personal responsibility for your own patient advocacy. You should read as much as you can about your disease and study using the Internet to be armed with as much factual information as possible. One of our all time favorite books, if you are dealing with Breast Cancer, is Dr Susan Loves Breast Book which, is in its third edition. It is simply an outstanding resource for the person dealing with Breast Cancer. Time and again we have been told that fear often time comes from the unknown and the uncertainty about one’s diagnosis. Take charge, become an educated Cancer consumer. Think of it this way, you wouldn’t buy a car without studying the different models and finding out how all the equipment works, so why do any less with your own health.

4)    One of the most important things about dealing with Cancer is finding the right doctor. We have all found that can sometimes be difficult in today’s ever changing insurance world. You perhaps will be dealing a lot with one or more doctors and it is important that you have excellent rapport with them. It is important that they treat you as more than just a patient number. We recall, one woman who told us the insurance company wanted her to pick an oncologist from a list of doctors, none of whom she knew. She steadfastly disagreed with the insurance company and advised them that she wanted to interview several oncologists. After much disagreement, the insurance company agreed and she reduced the long list of doctors down to five that had been recommended. The first who was highly recommended kept referring to how he was going to mix this chemo and that chemo in a kind of recipe and the woman told him, Doc, we aren’t baking any cake here”, so she just left. Another highly recommended doctor who had previously examined the woman’s chart came in asking questions about the mastectomy in her left breast, when what the woman actually had was a lumpectomy in her right breast, so again she got up and walked out. At each doctor’s office the woman asked the doctors a series of structured questions and almost every time the reaction was the same. The doctors had rarely had someone shop them and ask questions. The woman almost always asked the doctor if he or she felt prayer and faith played a role in healing. Some physicians danced around the subject and wouldn’t talk about it, others mentioned using self hypnosis and playing music centering on one’s self, still, others indicated that if one felt it was appropriate they could pray to the being of their choice. None of that worked for this woman until she came to the final doctor. He was a very caring man who connected to her immediately. He was not afraid to touch her hand to reassure her, he was very uplifting, he reassured her; he spoke of his own faith and how important it was to him. The bottom line is that there was an immediate connection and trust and reassurance in the selection of this doctor.

5)    Being diagnosed with Cancer, one soon finds that the disease occupies a great deal of your life. One woman put it this way, Cancer was like an uninvited guest who comes to stay at your house but never leaves. While you may not physically see the guest, you know he is there because you can see the evidence of him being there all around you. Cancer can literally consume you if you let it. We are reminded of the person who everyone had told us had miraculously beat Cancer. This individual was a walking miracle as no one had given them much chance for survival and now here the person was years later, still alive. We couldn’t wait to meet this legend. When the time came, rather than being uplifted by the person’s story we came away feeling more depressed than ever. For over an hour and a half the survivor detailed every minute detail about where their tumors were and, what procedures they had undergone. The person discussed every detailed element with an angry voice. It was clear that while they had beaten Cancer physically, it had already taken them mentally and emotionally. This person was terminally consumed with it. We don’t say that to minimize what the individual was going through or others like you may be going through. Cancer can be very mean and cruel both physically, as well as mentally. What we are saying is you have a choice in how you choose to deal with it. Some people listen to a Cancer diagnosis and then don’t handle it very well. Others choose to become fighting mad and take on the disease with all their might. They choose to try and live as normal a life as is possible pushing Cancer over in the corner of their life rather than making it the focal point of it. These people often are able to weather the storm much better than those who become consumed with Cancer.

6)    In many a survivor’s battle with Cancer, they advised that faith played a major role in how they were able to deal with it. They told us that faith was easy for people to profess when everyone in the family was healthy, jobs were going well, and there were no financial problems. However, the true test of faith comes when one faces their own mortality with a serious illness. It boils down to a simple question you have to ask yourself, “Do I really believe what I profess to believe?” One woman who had been Cancer free for eight years had a second new type of Cancer come back in her opposite breast and upon further testing the doctors found that the Cancer had spread to her bone. She recalled when the doctor first told her that the Cancer was treatable but not curable how empty and alone she first felt. However, she quickly recalled how God had blessed her with an eight year Cancer free period and had lead her to some new experiences in her life. Surely, she concluded, that even in the midst of her personal tragedy now, God would bless her even further. Being a faith filled person makes a difference in how one handle’s news such as this. No one is naïve enough to tell you that being a Christian will remove you from pain, despair, or any of the other things that come with Cancer which may even include death. What it will do is secure you a future in a permanent home once you leave this one. What it will do is allow you to never be alone while you go through this disease. What it will do is give you a greater peace about what you are going through and what you will face ahead.

7)    Another area that often causes survivors grief is trying to figure out why they are being put through this trial. Some get angry at God and blame him for their malady. It is surprising that we often determine how God works in our life based on our earthly situation. In other words, God must be working really well in our life if everything is going well. If it isn’t, God must have retreated or abandoned us. There are generally two things to consider when we face trials. First, God sometimes uses trials as a means of turning our attention away from serious sin in our life. I am not saying that if you have sin you will get Cancer. What I am saying is to first take a serious look at your own life. Can you identify any unclean areas where sin has taken hold of your life? If so, perhaps God is trying to get your attention. If you find that sin has not taken hold, then perhaps God is trying to perfect your character by testing your faith. When we have our faith tested it builds character and perseverance.

8)    Many Cancer survivors indicate that upon initial diagnosis they tended to retreat or withdraw from friends and society in general. Some indicated they just didn’t feel good about themselves. However, it is never a good thing to do because isolation breeds loneliness and often times depression. When you try to lead as normal a life as possible you tend not to think about your own situation.

9)    Another survivor told us that when she came down with Cancer she refused to allow herself to be a victim. She geared up to put others ahead of herself and found that by concentrating more on others she thought about her own situation to a much lesser degree.

10)  Cancer and related treatments play havoc on your body. You find your hormones, blood sugar, mental and physical stability to be all over the map. There will be times when you don’t feel like getting up in the morning. There will be times you will start to cry for absolutely no reason at all. The one thing almost everyone tells us is not to expect to have a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Do not feel embarrassed about these types of feelings and remember that just about everyone goes through them.

11)  Cancer support groups can be great, depending on how careful you select them. It appears that there are many support groups that are centered on a medical or clinical model. In these groups, a registered nurse or certified counselor facilitates the group. That is great and in many cases is very helpful. Sometimes you must seek permission to enter a group that has been meeting for sometime. Other groups have open enrollment all during the year. Support groups are a great way of find out what others have gone through, the treatments and anxieties and it can often provide you with additional hope that you too can get through a given situation. What you must be careful to do is avoid getting in a group where the discussion is so centered on negative feelings and on how Cancer is dominating each person’s life. The whole purpose for getting into a Cancer support group is to be uplifted not demolished.

12)  Many survivors advised us that they initially set their focus too far down the road. They advised that they started thinking about their kid’s graduation and marriage and events that were just too far off to think about. Instead, they realized that they needed to set much shorter term goals. They said that by setting individual near term goals they could feel like they were having success in their fight. Consequently, when they failed to reach one of these goals they realized that it was only one in a series of steps and that the entire battle was not lost. Short term goal setting and a periodic rearranging of goals can have a profound impact on your life.

13)  Fight, fight, fight, with all your might. Sounds like a good old high school cheer and it may well be. I say fight because Cancer does a lot to impact you emotionally. Often times you must will yourself to fight when you feel like that is the last thing you want to do. You may have found yourself facing a number of surgeries in a short time span and now must face another. Just getting up for another seems like such a difficult task and the tendency is to just let the fight slip away. Yet, with all your might you still must try to find that remaining ounce of strength to go just a bit farther. Your resolve must be not to surrender.

14)  Most people who go through Cancer enjoy the assistance of a family member or friend who serves as a primary caregiver. Caregivers often have a difficult life. In some cases, they hold down a full time job and try to fill in the gaps where the survivor may not be able to during treatments and surgeries. At the same time, they are worried about their loved one and concerned for what the future holds. The Cancer may make them think about their own mortality. While you are under great pressure dealing with disease, they are under great pressure as well. They usually consume themselves trying to be all things to all people. Just remember they can experience burn out, doubt, and indecisions just as you do. Try to recognize their efforts whenever possible and let them know they are appreciated. Also realize that many people going through Cancer treatments often lash out at their caregivers, even though they don’t mean to do so. This can leave the caregiver feeling like they have let you down. Try to recognize times when this is occurring and sometimes just let them know you didn’t mean it during an emotional outburst. Cancer does strange things and causes us to act strangely.

15)  Pray, pray, and pray. Pray for survival and comfort. The most important thing of all is to pray that God’s will would be achieved in your struggle with Cancer. Pray that you would be given the gift of discernment so that you can see what he wants you to do with this struggle and how you can use it for the betterment of his kingdom.